I struggle like most artists do with trying to dismiss the negative self-talk that creeps in all too often. Maybe it's because of this crazy year, the Covid, the frustration of being on guard constantly, social distancing with people you know and love. It's depressing!!! and not ending anytime soon. Being an artist could lend itself easily to socially isolating, I mean you can always paint, right?
NOT SO EASY!
In the past month or so I just didn't pick up the brush enough. I didn't put in the time, I let myself slump into binge watching series on Amazon Prime, letting my available painting time get systematically vacuumed up by the needs of others. That's it. Enough of the pity party.
I'm Breaking Through to the Other Side!
And here's my latest painting. I'd like to say it was fun, or that I really love it. It was torture, I tell you. Pure torture. My biggest obstacle was my own doubts and negative self-feedback. I was frustrated that I was never going to get it right. I even heard my own voice say to me, "you have no business being an artist."
When I get to this dark place I've learned that it's actually a good sign, and that quite often it means that I'm about to break through to the other side, make a discovery, figure out what it is I need to do to improve a painting. I have to step out of the emotional struggle, get back to logic and ask myself, "ok., what's the issue? is it composition, value, color, brushwork, do I need more contrast? what am I trying to say?
So, I powered through, just putting in the time, coming outside at the same time of day, trying to simplify, create an interesting light and shadow pattern and trying to get the values and colors the way I wanted them to be.
In the spring I planted all kinds of exotic flower bulbs that I bought Costco. I patiently waited for many weeks for them to burst forth into a symphony of colors and designs and I wasn't disappointed..